High's and lows...

Hi Hi all..... I am a live and emotionally and spiritually feeling better : ) (those are the highs) the lows luckily there is only one... I
m home sick... Of a kind of sickness I'd rather not speak of... I will say its physical and non permenent so It just a matter of time till I'm back to 100%

I got to see my old friend Curtis on Saturday and that was a blast. I stopped by his birthday party and met a lot of his new friends (hes one of the people I disappeared on oh so long ago..... Hes had some pretty tough times lately but he seems to weathering it well... (better than I would probably) I feel dumb for having disappeared from him because I now realize how much I missed him and he's about the last person on earth who would have any trouble with my transition..... what can I say I wasn't thinking straight...... I've hurt too many people for that same reason..... but thats all in the past now... I 'll make it up to those I can and feel bad about those I can't ...lol

I've been thinking about my favorite roleplaying setting lately (Earthdawn and Earthdawn classic) I have a lot of my really good ideas for a campaign... so I'm going to run a game and see if everyone likes it.. if they do I might see if I can get it running in the north and south games.... That may take some doing as we have games planned for both but I'm sure They'll enjoy it if we do... I'll run it by everyone on wednesday...(assuming I feel better) Just to top off my Earthdawn frenzt John runs across this.........NEW EARTHDAWN NOVELS! I'm not much of a fiction reader but I read all of the novels that were released... but the company that made earthdawn went under and stopped all production.... Well it seems I'm not the only person in love with world as there is a company Per Aspa Press that is releasing official ED books... If you love fantasy pick up the originals (they're easy to find in Froogle type in earthdawn fiction) I specifically love Mother Speaks but its the second book in a trilogy.

well before I rant any futher I off to recuperate: )

this week in Amy-vision

Wow! what a week.... (WARNING! Whining ahead) Well the lawyer we wrote a check to 2 months ago cashed it this week.......putting us firmly into overdraft.... so we did the unthinkable we went to a cash advance place (we hate those places) but this time it made sense... 44 $ in cash advance fees or 200$ in overdraft fees the back would charge us before we got paid again..... well that worked fine however after we got the balance positive a monthly debt we forgot about went through and put us below again so the bank got it due anyway....(I think they're in league) Also this week while changing a tire on the car it rolled off the jack damaging our rotor and trapping the jack between the car and the concrete... I quite Coh/Cov due to it being too laggy to play and to top it all off I've been in a really bitchy mood.... The good news is that I noticed that I was in a bitchy mood and have for the most part stopped myself from being a total pain in the butt to people....

Good news.... we now have been paid so some of our bills are on the way to being caught back up, I started playing DDO again, and I'm starting to come out of my mood so at least things are looking up.

I've been wondering though... about how people perceive me .... is there something I'm missing? I only have started to wonder because people who would normally be pretty predisposed to me have been very aloof. Not just one but several that I know... its weird.. since transition I have had a couple of my relationships blossom into something better than its ever been. However when meeting people it seems that they're not specifically interested or if they are it never really gets any farther than the Hi how are you stage..... as its several different people (trans and nontrans) It makes me think it has to be something with me.... I have noticed that in the long night my conversational skills have atrophied quite a bit.... I want to get them back... I used to love talking to people ... now The conversations end up with the dreaded dead air..... I'm not sure if my natural way of dealing with people is as feminine as some people expect it should be..... To I am feminine so the way I do it must not be too unfeminine..... maybe thats ego... but if I need to change how I act and react I'll be back to lieing about who I am ... and no matter what people think....... thats something I'm not willing to do anymore. Maybe thats it... do I come off as pretentious now that I have a little confidence... do have to much.... these things are too subjective... so I'll do the only thing I can do in this situation... I'll as akk of you out there what you think..... don't worry about hurting my feelings... I need this .... even if this is the only place you know me from let me know what you think....I'm feeling a loss for a subjective perspective.... and all of life is nothing but perspective.

the power of the darkside is strong in this one.......

hey hey all. Been a mostly uneventful few days... other than work , taunting Wendy about her sunburn and finally getting t up enough motivation to work on my myspace page (no worries my blog stays here) been sleeping and watching Big love.... even though the season is over the show rocks! and if You didn't watch it Shame on You! Side note: I have started to really love the character nikki from the the show. Shes Bills second wife and she was raised in a poligimist compound.... I think most would hate her, shes pretty crazy over all.. (needs a lot of attention) but she cares about the family first and is willing to throw down if she needs to..... not to mention she is one of th emost manipulative people I've seen in a show.. the great part is everyone just thinks she's crazy. Oh well enough ranting about Big Love ...

I am going to therapy tomorrow.... I have a lot to cover but I'm going to try and keep it paired down.. I have a habit of rambling and I don't want to take over the thing.

I know my space is da debbil but the corruption that festers in my soul made me do it: )

http://www.myspace.com/rosebride77

Bat Woman!!!

I hate to do this but its pretty cool news so I'm going to..... Today I was hitting the couple of Blogs I actually read and on Summers( http://summerechoes.blogspot.com/ ) she posted that DC was releasing Bat-woman and not only that she's now a lesbian!!! I know in the modern world this shouldn't be a surprise... but considering that The original Bat Woman more than a little sexist (she had an utility purse , caught people in expanding hair nets, maced people with perfume, gossiped about how hot Batman is and was generally looked down upon by the caped crusader) she was a far cry from Wonder Woman for example who was a strong (read domineering) woman.... Sure she got away with it back then because the boys secretly like whole dominatrix imagery (C'mon a lasso that can force any to tell the truth) but the original Bat-woman was a step away from baking Bat-cookies for Bruce and Dick while they were on missions..... Its good to see DC pick up a character that was a failure and attempt to make her modern maybe even interesting who knows maybe they might even pick up some readership..... believe it or not we do read comics ... its not like its the 80's when fan-girls "didn't exist". Her new costume looks kind of classic but has kind of a goth thing to it.... I hope the story is as good as it could be.. thos ewho know me know I am not a DC fan... Except bats and some of his more modern counter parts but I'm willing to give them a shot.. seems like they may treat this some respect...