First step back into the Deadlands...

Hi again all. Things are going pretty well here.... I have tracked down a possible new therapist and a support group that meets on my off Wednesdays... I feel kinda odd about the support group as I don't feel I really need support I don't think I ever really did.... No mater how much help I had nothing would go right without me dealing with it first.... But I do still believe its very important to make friends within the community. We are an extremely tiny group to begin with and most of us are so different that there isn't a lot of common ground. I'll prolly end up going to the group though... We'll see how it goes. The new therapist I haven't followed up on but she looks promising as she's on the board of trustees at the Kinsey Institute. (or at least she was) not to mention I find it nearly impossible to talk to a guy about this stuff. I spend most of my time at Dr. Davis's stammering trying to explain what I mean instead of just saying it.... I'm not sure if its me being embarrassed or just we speak so differently. Well at very least if I get a chance to talk to her I'll try to get a good second opinion on my current regimen It has had me worried.

Yesterday we went up north and hung out with Nick, Wendy and Summer. I got challenged on DDR by their daughter "Maddy" shes like 5 (or maybe 6) and nearly as good as I am ...shows I'm getting old..... Their kids are so d*mn cute, everytime i go up there makes me want to have one... : b we're so not ready for that....we'll just have to adopt or something later...

We also played our first game of Deadlands... It was really cool to have all of our favorite characters together for the first time. John was playing his 40+ year old (undead) marshal (think zombie John Wayne), Wendy was playing Anibelle she's a kinda prissy huckster (hucksters are mages who cast their spells using cards, so they're card sharp/mages) Christy was playing Dakota (Dewitt) Holcraft, and for the kicker I was playing Vaughn Holcraft. Vaughn and Dakota both work for the agency... Think of the old west version of the Men in Black. It was a really awesome story the last time we played these characters and the fell in love. They were so alike yet so different. Both had a pretty bleak out look on life but where Vaughn is more stoic Dakota is a little more aggressive. Ther e have been a couple of new characters added. Summers playing an Chinese martial artist type who is on the run and Matt is playing some sort of journalist.. Journalists and The holcraft don't generally over too well..lol

It was a new experience last night.... Vaughn is the most manly of men... when I created him I went off of my idea of the ideal manly man so I played it to the hilt and he was TOUGH silent type...... back when I played him the first time I was still deep in the closet 10+ years ago and the second time I was out but still living as a guy so I still had it down. Now its been a long time since I've come out to everyone and a really long time since I tried the tough bit... I tried my best last night and I remembered the way that he used to speak but I felt like I was making a mockery of being a guy character. He was kind of a stereotype to begin with but a good one... I think it may be as much of when I used to play him I had a lot of pent up anger and hatred from life so he was great to vent with.... Now things are going pretty well... I just don't have any fuel.... I guess that's a good problem.....

well I'm off hope all is well with everyone out there in cyberland : )