day, the sixth

Well, I went to bed early (not as early as I would have liked...damn you Family Guy!) but ended up getting up a little later than I would have liked, between calling all the appropriate people at the court house and newspaper and then my shower ect... time has run a bit late to get this stuff filed today...maybe John and Christy will have enough time so we can drop it off on our way out of town.....Oh! out of town .....I nearly forgot... every couple of weeks we head up to northern Indiana to see some friends (Nick, Wendy and Summer) and play one of our roleplaying games. Right now we're playing Blue Rose ( http://bluerose.greenronin.com/ ) up there I'll fill you all in on it later.

Due to schedualing its been forever since we've been up there... It's a long ride but I really miss everyone when we go too long.... Not this time but maybe next time I can get some pictures of them for here....who knows... nearly all of my friends are camera shy....I'm suprised Carrie and Christy haven't tried to kill me for posting their pics...... either that or they take solace in my limited audience ...lol

When I get back I'll post the days happening but that will be late..... : )

Day, the Fifth

Ah.. what a long day... had my early morning meeting and told my new quasi boss I needed to talk to him later (he was headed out of town) so looks like that will happen next week.

I am going to get up early tomarrow too to try to get my name change filed....... I hate court type stuff...I hope it goes ok..... Its just filing so it should be ok.. will write more when I'm so not so tired....

Day, the fourth

Well as I have to be up early tomorrow because I have an early meeting at work, (blah! boy-cloths) think I will fill everyone in on my day earlier than usual....(still at work) ...

Well, today I came out to my assistant manager Raj...(figured I should, he's a nice guy and my other manager is out for awhile) he's originally from India but he's lived in San-Francisco for 5 year before coming out her to the Midwest. I was nervous (as I always am when I'm forced to talk about this... Its natural I think) but I had set up a meeting with him and Just sorta blurted it out...... He was fine with it .. He really hadn't had any exposure to this kinda thing before so he had a lot of questions but it went really well...I'm so happy: ) I think I make a bigger deal out of things before they happen than they can possibly end up being....guess I'm just a worrier : )

late night madness.....

As I lay up stairs the wind blows through the outside the same way worry and doubt blow across my soul. A fire burns within my chest.... is it want? need? passion? greed? gravity pulls harder than I remember when I stand almost as if weights are tied to me pulling me down to the earth, it almost feel as of weariness....like the need for sleep, but that can not be it , as the listless thoughts and worries have proven that sleep is not what I need..... and then as the truth and as it always does... comes the rain to wipe it clean.... all pent up in loneliness and unexplainable sorrow the rain ... the rain of my tears comes to wash away the corruption of the land....... of my soul so again I can feel renewed........

It seems all of my worst moments are those that are truly unto myself.... that can not be given to another or easily shared.

day, the third

Today being sunday I spent some time with my friends doing our normal sunday roleplaying game. Christy is running a 7th Sea campaign, and I'm playing a nationalist montaigne noble (Eliz Fluabert du Dore) who honestly loves her people... this time around we found our little group in Castille behind the lines (Montaigne and Castille are at war)..... and in game it was meant to show the horrors of war, a lot of death and carnage.... with Eliz loving here people but not really loving some of the nobility (even thoughshe is noble herself) made me start to think about how no matter how much death there is it will not solve the conflict. The conflict is caused by and is ended by the nobility of both sides.. sheltered in their high walls miles away from here. Several good negotiations would solve the issue where thousands dieing would not..... and left me feeling sad and thinking about how applicable this thought is to the real world... and I decided that it was the exact same thing............. thats why I love roleplaying it allows me to step out side of my experience and feel and think about things from new perspectives.. things that hopefully can pertain to normal everyday life.....

As everything in life is subject to perspective and the only way to step beyond it is to recognize it and then identify how your perspective was formed and how that is effecting what is going on in your life....... you know the saying three sides to every story...... yours, mine and the truth....

yay! pics!

ok here they are some pictures on me and some of my friends a couple of them are kinda picky about their photos so If I disappear notify the police : )
one of carrie and I at the Ohio Renfair
http://usera.imagecave.com/rosebride/newpics/A@Crennfest.jpg

Carrie and I in a close up
http://usera.imagecave.com/rosebride/newpics/A&Ccloseup.jpg

our really good friends John and Christy at the same renn fair
http://usera.imagecave.com/rosebride/newpics/J&Crennfest.jpg

My adopted older brother Mike
http://usera.imagecave.com/rosebride/newpics/mikerenfest.jpg

baby me
http://usera.imagecave.com/rosebride/amy/002.JPG

Mom and I when I was little (yea they had to be in denile that I was a girl) http://usera.imagecave.com/rosebride/amy/001.JPG

Daddy and I (companion pic to the one about)
http://usera.imagecave.com/rosebride/amy/003.JPG

and me, mary and little Z
http://usera.imagecave.com/rosebride/amy/004.JPG

Now thats out of my system I can get back to doing other things instead of picture scanning and editing lol : )

Day, the second

Today I went through and found my name change paperwork, that I as of today have lost 3-4 times... It would be sad that I lose things this much....if It wasn't so funny: ) and set up a meeting with my assistant manager (as my manager who knows about my transition and is supportive is out on leave until god knows when) He's a really nice guy so it should go ok. I did get a lot of my new pic's downloaded so as soon as I get them all loaded up I'll post the choice ones for everyone to see.... Maybe later tonight .. Who knows.

Oh and I nearly forgot I updated my links today : ) I have a couple of transgender boards that I spend a fair amount of time on Transgenderboards (US) and Nuttycats (UK) both have pretty good communities. Crossplay is the very first forum I ever signed up for. It's cross-cosplay I can't think of anything more me than that : ) Venus Envy and Foamy are my fav online comics, Venus Envy is the first comic (online or print) to make me laugh and cry so consistently (erin puts out a great book), Foamy.. Well is foamy ... An angry squirrel trying to talk sense into the masses........ The flash site is starter up steve.. Its a site I've been going to for a long time and in the depths of all the bad flash are some truly funny skits .... So enjoy all ; )

day, the first

Right now I'm at work and i was thinking there been so much happen this last month and I feel like i need to get it out of my system..... now would be a good time to start that blog I've been wanting to do. So I guess I'll start with a introduction : ) Hi my names Amy and I am Transgendred definitely not the only or even the best adjective for me but it seems that very little in my life is not touched in some way by this fact these days. For starters here at work.. I still am forced to put up the old facade (at least for a little longer as I've gotten the ok from my HR to go full time in January yay!) I remember a time when I put up my front every second of every day but now that work is the only place that I have to it has only made that time more unbearable... maybe the act is wearing thin, or maybe its the being forced to lie to everyone I talk to ........(everytime I answer to that old name everytime I have to keep myself quiet and not talk about the things that I find interesting is not being true to myself and lying to everyone around me) How did I used to do this all the time?

This week has been full of good things too... on monday I went to see my therapist (normally a bad thing as he tends to make me nervous) but he did finally give me my script for my hormones. Honestly I didn't think it was going to be such a big deal over all but after it happened it made me start thinking about everything and I ended up so excited I couldn't help but be happy. When I got to work my friend Billy's reaction was geez your practically glowing...lol I hadn't even taken any yet I was just so happy about it........ ; )

Then there was yesterday.. Thanksgiving. I have been avoiding my family for quite some time, as I was certain they wouldn't understand or even tolerate what I have been going through.. Well all but mom really; she's known for years. Well, this year she ropes me into giving her the ok to pass on my transition information on to my brothers and then coerces me to go to thankgiving with all of them there (guess thats what moms do ..lol) ...... Lets just say under the circumstances that we grew up in I fully expected them to have a problem with it. Well even though one of my brothers couldn't make it due to illness and another because of jail everyone else was fully supportive. It wasn't even mentioned I was amazed.. I'm not too used to things going smoothly. lol

Well more later : )